Posted in Reviews

So I read a non-fiction book… – The 7 Laws Of Magical Thinking


Hear me out, non-fiction books are awesome. If you’re especially curious about the world like I am, go pick up a non-fiction book at your local library in whatever subject interests you.

Now I watch a lot of YouTube. No, seriously – a LOT.
I do realise that yes, this is probably incredibly unproductive and I should stop, but there are some great channels out there. One of my favourite channels is called ‘VSauce’ (I recommend you check his videos out, they’re really interesting) and he made a video titled ‘Spooky Coincidences’. You can watch the video below:

Anyway, in this video he references the book ‘The 7 Laws Of Magical Thinking’ by Matt Hudson. This book is about the phenomenon that is ‘magical thinking’. Magical thinking is all about how the brain picks up on patterns and makes connections, meanwhile believing that these mean something bigger. Continue reading “So I read a non-fiction book… – The 7 Laws Of Magical Thinking”

Posted in Updates

Still Alive (barely)


I hope everyone appreciated by Sherlock reference.
Don’t lie, you did.

Anyway, I’m fully aware that I have been very inactive in the last few weeks -sorry about that. Going back to school has been a MASSIVE reality check and I feel swamped by pretty much everything. University is looming over everything I do, and it’s bloody scary. “Ana do this!” and  “Ana you will fail at life” are the thoughts that are mainly running through my head at the moment. I mean, I know I won’t completely fail at life but my SCHOOL is making me feel like I will.

I actually have quite a few drafts in the work, but haven’t been round to getting to finish them – every time I open up the computer it reminds me of all the work that I am putting off. I guess I am the main perpetrator to my stress, i.e. leaving my homework to the last minute etc. I still like to blame it on everything else, however. It’s just a lot easier, and we’ve all done it in the past, okay?

One draft that I’m particularly excited about sharing with you is about some non-fiction books that I’ve been reading recently. Yes, I am aware that it is a crime to not be reading something incredibly fancy ALL the time – but I just decided to pick up a book that I thought was interesting and go from there. I was actually inspired to get this book out of the library through a YouTube channel called VSauce, but I’ll save that for the next post…

Well, I think that this post has tried to sum up all my current thoughts about what’s been happening to this blog (and me!). I hope you sort of enjoyed this ramble, and keep waiting for my new book review!

Ana x

Posted in Analysis

Love and Identity in Tender is the Night


Spoiler alert for Fitzgerald’s Tender Is the Night!

(Again this is something that I wrote recently for a school essay, so I’m not sure how well it will fit with the feel of my blog. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!)

As a novel, Tender is the Night is littered with understanding the concept of not only love but of one’s self. I see the characters in Tender is the Night as believing that the most effective way to ‘fix’ someone, is with love and desire. It seems to be a universal feeling, however healthy or unhealthy its consequences are.

Nicole may be seen as the most notable feature of this argument; a woman who in Book 2 is introduced to us as a patient, rather than the glamorous wife that Book 1 had presented us with. The first time that we truly hear about Nicole’s past is through the conversation between Dick and Franz (resident pathologist of the clinic where Nicole is staying). Dick claims that he is not as ‘hard-boiled’ as Franz, and after seeing a ‘beautiful shell like [Nicole’s]’ he ‘can’t help feeling a regret about what’s inside it’. The egg metaphor here is particularly prominent in understanding the idea of ‘brokenness’ that surrounds the characters. Dick understands the fragility that is the ‘shell’ of Nicole, but still has the intent to delve into ‘what’s inside’. So easily broken and so new to the world, the ‘regret’ that Dick feels may be one of not allowing himself to cradle and protect the ‘egg’ representing Nicole, with love.

However, Dick’s idea of protecting Nicole with love places her in a stationary identity that she has no escape from. As E.W. Pitcher states in his 1981 article titled “Tender Is the Night’:Ordered Disorder in the ‘Broken Universe.” [1], Nicole has found ‘a security of identity’ in this marriage and love. I believe that this interpretation of the love that Nicole has found herself attached to is a very important point when defining the link between identity and love within the novel. Continue reading “Love and Identity in Tender is the Night”

Posted in Reviews

My Sister Lives On The Mantlepiece (you’re never too old)


I’d been wanting to read this book for a while now, even though it’s probably not aimed at a 17 year old. I managed to get my hands on it because as my mum is a primary school teacher she got a bag of recommended books to read (for some reason, it’s quite complicated). Anyway, it was in the bag of books so I thought – this is a great opportunity for me to finally read it!

It only took me a few days to finish it, but it was definitely worth the read. The main character (and lead narrator) is called Jamie and has found himself stuck in a family broken by the death of his older sister, Rose. Rose (the twin sister of Jamie’s other sister Jasmine) was blown up in a terrorist attack when Jamie was fairly young, and some of her does now ‘live on the mantlepiece’.

The death causes a lot of tension between the members of the family: Mum wanting to bury some of her pieces, Dad wanting to cremate them – and Jasmine wanting to break free from her past image, a copy of Rose. The tension increases once Jasmine decides to dye her hair and pierce her ears, completely shattering the image of Rose that her parents wanted to keep alive. Soon Dad has started to drink, Mum starts to have an affair, and Jamie finds himself stuck in between all of this. Continue reading “My Sister Lives On The Mantlepiece (you’re never too old)”

Posted in Updates

Holiday Apology!

(Image taken by the wildly acclaimed photographer that is yours truly…)

I’m on holiday! Yay!

In all honesty I am very excited because I’m staying in my uncle’s beautiful house with lots of my family. This is the 4th time we’ve all been here together and it’s so great to spend family time together in this lovely corner of France. Speaking of France, I can’t speak any French… Focussing really hard on Spanish has made all my French fall out of my head – oops!

However, something bad that happened is that my mum and I’s bags got left at the airport! But then again lots of other people’s did so it’s not TOO awful. We’re hoping to get them back today. *fingers crossed*

As I’ve said – I’m really excited! I’m actually writing this on my phone in the lovely morning sun in a lovely squishy sofa. Heaven…

Butttt… I’ve been very bad. I haven’t been active for a VERY long time – even though I have loads of drafts! So I’m very sorry about that fact. I think I just haven’t been in the mood for writing recently, and have barely had the time to grab a computer and finish any posts! I hope you understand all of that, and I hope to be more active in the near future. 🙂

I think we should end on a positive note, so I’m just going to wish you all a lovely holiday/summer holiday/work week!

– Ana x

(Disclaimer: I won’t be posting about my AS Level results because that means I have to think about them.)

Posted in Rambles

A Selfish Sort Of Sadness


(Edit: There is a song I just found called ‘Waving Through A Window‘ from this musical called Dear Evan Hansen that I think really fits with this post. I’ve attached a link even though you probably won’t actually listen to it…)

Long story short, I feel like a little bit of a twat.
You can stop reading if you want, that’s pretty much the whole post without any metaphors and that. It really will be just a ramble on my life.

But, it really is true. The only tears I’ve cried recently have been selfish ones, even though they should have been ones of grief.
That’s why I feel like a twat.
My grandma just died so my family have enough shit to deal with on their own, but here I come with scathing words about them. Instead of feeling awful with them, and dying of grief – I’m not crying about death.

I’m just crying about myself. The tears that roll down my cheeks have no care in them, no love – just self-pity. Self-pity because I feel like I’m never going to be the person I want to be.
A selfish sort of sadness, a terrifying existence. Too scared to break the barriers in front of me, but selfish enough to tell people why I hate being behind them.

“Get off your ass and do something about it then Ana! Stop complaining and start doing something”
Hmm, sounds easy – doesn’t it? It sounds so deliciously simple but in reality it’s so sour. Courage is needed to be able to do something about anything, but I feel like I’ve sunken into the hole of fear, of self-pity – I don’t possess courage anymore. I used to be so hopeful about my future, I used to be so determined to do what I wanted to do and I wouldn’t let anyone get in my way.

Unfortunately, a lot of things have gotten in my way. So much so that they’ve pushed my face up to the glass window which overlooks the pathway to success. I see my friends walk down it smiling, so hopeful and excited by the future that they were able to choose for themselves.

To put this into context, I’m going to university next year. For a while I was completely set on doing English at university, which made my parents very happy. I’ll admit, I love English and I do think that I’d really enjoy studying it at university. But, what next? However much my mum wants me to be a researcher, I’ve never wanted to do anything like that. I tell her about my love for acting and she says “Well, you could be a researcher on a film, that’s a nice job!”. Maybe it is a nice job, but I couldn’t bear watching other people do what I’ve always loved to do. I’ll look up from my books to maybe see one of my friends in front of the camera. I’ll kick myself under the table as I think of all the times where I could have taken that opportunity.

I want to be an actress. For most of my life I’ve wanted to be an actress. I love being on stage, enjoy working with other people and get such a sense of self-fulfilment when I look down at an audience. I love writing, of course. I’m very passionate about it and I’ve really enjoyed working on this blog. It’s crazy how active my blog has been recently (thanks guys!) and I’m having a lot of fun doing it! However I also love to act, it’s really my dream to be up there under the hot stage/film lights performing something to the world.

One of my teachers said something to me before we broke up for the holidays. He said to me “It’s your life, you need to choose yourself what you want to do with it”. I wish it were that simple, I pray for it to be that simple. But in reality it’s a lot harder than it looks.
I want to do this acting degree (well, I think so) at the University of the Creative Arts, but my parents think that it’s a bad idea. They always tell me about the instability of the career, how you can’t guarantee a job after university and that I’m “good at English so I should do an English degree”.
I’m too scared to tell them otherwise. Breaking the glass window in front of me terrifies me, it really does. It is my life, but I really feel like I have no choice over anything in it. I feel so incredibly selfish for pushing my passion on my parents when they’re going through something really difficult. It makes me feel awful.

This isn’t about her, and I don’t want to go into loads of detail – but sometimes I look at my best friend and wonder what life would be like if I was allowed as much choice as she has. I know that she’s going to do something in her life, and it’s going to be something that she wants to do – and her parents don’t have any problems with that. I’m not jealous over it, it just makes me feel a little melancholy.

One day I hope I’ll be able to come up with enough courage to smash that window of shame. For now, I’m living in a state of perpetual fear of people’s reactions to what I want to do in the future.

My sole dream right now is to be able to “follow my dreams”.

This Blog – The Results Are In

It’s been 5 days since I put out those polls (I also did one on Twitter) and the results are in. Yes, ok – I may have only got 6 votes altogether but I did still get a majority.

And with 5 votes to 1, the winner of the poll is that I should blog my cosplay journey on this blog! I’m actually quite excited for this, it feels like a great opportunity to branch out my topics. I will keep posting English related posts, don’t fret little ones. However, I feel that it’s time for a ‘cosplay corner’ on my blog.

Get ready for fun, fails, and all round excitement. See you in the next post!

– Ana